Why it's important to remember that success doesn't equate to worthiness (or happiness, for that matter)

Growing up, I always thought the person with all the awards and formal acclaim for their hard work was the person that knew the most and was getting the most out of life. I carried that belief with me through school, and it essentially dictated my entire interaction with the greater world. I convinced myself into believing that the people who accumulated great and glamourous achievement were somehow happier than all of us too.

Without diminishing the incredible feats of determination it takes to get tangible proof of your success (degrees, job offers, awards, widespread social approval), I want to consciously disassociate myself from this school of thought. Look, there's no denying that someone with a PhD is intellectually commendable and undoubtedly has a vast rage of insights into their field. Yet, their PhD shouldn't make them any more or less worthy of my internal praise or admiration than the person who has no qualification whatsoever.

I am a major culprit of the conversational "what do you do?". Well, what do we do? In my idealistic heart I'd love to say we all dream, explore, love, take risks and inspire others - but instead, I'm succumbing to the social idea that people should be well-defined by what they can say they do on paper. It's not a habit I will fall out of easily, and honestly I'm not sure I ever will - because sometimes it's simply a little less awkward to ask "what is your job?" rather than "what breathes life into you? what are your passions?"

So, what are they? What do you want to accomplish in this 90 years of life you might have?

I was watching a TEDx talk called "Am I dying? The honest answer" by an emergency medical technician in the states. He denoted that there are 3 salient trends in the type of things people acutely focus on in their final minutes of life:

1. They ask for forgiveness because of built-up guilt or regret

2. They ask to be remembered or hope to be remembered
3. They wish to know whether their life was meaningful

I, being a very-young, very-inexperienced life-liver have written myself a few valuable reflections on this topic that will hopefully mean I will continue to grow personally in terms of self-worth (which I - along with many others - struggle with on a regular basis, albeit subconsciously) and general self-fulfilment or 'self actualisation' (...my inner psych major couldn't help but reference Maslow, sorry).

Celebrate the little wins. Any regret in my life thus far has often been the result of chasing after the next goal before truly understanding how well-earned the previous one was. It's meant a little less time spent relaxing and countless missed moments of true life-giving satisfaction. Inevitably, my self-worth has suffered. Say you get a promotion at work - don't let the next thing you do be an automatic, demoralising comparison of your promotion to your faux-friend from high-school's engagement or their downpayment on a home. Think to yourself: 'fuck yeah I did a great thing'. Go and do something you really love and indulge in the fact that you are powerful, hard-working and awesome. 

Don't have too much pride. I often suffer from the capacity to be easily hurt by people even when they don't mean to be hurtful. I will then automatically project that they've somehow insulted the very basis of my character and move forward in my interactions with them with an unrelenting bias that clouds my capacity to truly understand who they are and where they're coming from. I need to work on that, but hey, maybe we all do.

Remember that theoretically your legacy will continue existing indefinitely either in writing (0.00001%) or through the way people remember you (more likely), so value your relationships as much as you value your measured triumphs. I throw around the word love on this blog like bloody confetti but honestly it's because the way I see it - love is the basis of most meaningful things that happen in life. And no, I don't just mean romantic love - I mean love in the way that one person deeply cares about the other person's passions, understands what they want out of life, and is there to listen when listening is needed. 

Anyway, I just wanted to share my thoughts because they've made me feel quite excited for the countless years of life I am yet to live.

Oh, that's another one - I always used to say 'you're running out of time' to myself, basically about everything. Who is timing this figurative stopwatch? So here's my big cringe-worthy sentiment of this post: you are the master of your milestone timeline.

Personalise it, stretch it out, publicise it if you wish - but, don't live by it. There's more to you than a collection of milestones.

xoxo

Your friendly neighbourhood cliché machine -
Mielz