Look. I might be a bit nosy at times, and mostly i'm either (a) inebriated and unhinged, or (b) sincerely concerned about your pressing issue with that person who won't 'define the relationship' (a.k.a. DTR-phobe), is consistently leaving you on "read" (a.k.a. the archiver) or 'only texts you on weekends' (a.k.a. douche-bag).
But, I'm not concerned as a person in a position of superiority, I'm concerned as a person who has been there with likeminded people and is sick of the bullsh#t too. Honey, I FEEL YA. Well, not presently since I'm unashamedly uninvolved but regardless, I have experienced the wrath of the f*ckboy.
Alright, ya da ya da ya da "nothing good comes easy", they say, "it's all about the chase"... sure. But the chase shouldn't go for 6 months and include 5 very-real, very-tormenting months of embarrassment when anyone asks "well, what are you?" when you giggle and say "he/she's just not ready for commitment at the moment".
Really? You'll let them have that?
If you guys are just casual - and you're fine with that - sick. You go for it. It's a liberating arrangement and can actually be fun, exploratory and super chill. Let your goddamn freak flag fly as high as you can hoist it if that's what wavelength you're on. I'm serious. Serial monogamy isn't for everyone, and sometimes you just want a selection of petit fours instead of the goopy, warm - albeit delicious - sticky date pudding. Especially when you've just eaten sticky date pudding for 2 years and are now in a perpetual state of over-eating discomfort (did I take that metaphor about casual flings and long-term relationships too far??)
Anyway, if you're not fine with casual and are pretending to be fine with it (which I know is super common because I've done it multiple times, and know other girls who have too) - then, here's the big 'ol fix-all tablet for you to swallow: let them know. Like... for real. Challenge them into explaining themselves. You are all too wonderful and all too caring for them if they won't give you an answer as to why they won't proclaim to everyone that you're theirs.
You deserve that, regardless of your level of comfort when it comes to PDA and/or cheesiness. You might not want proclamation and yelling from rooftops, but I've got a feeling you probably want some kind of security - right? Well, duh. I know you do. You probably wouldn't be reading into this further than the part when I said: "If you guys are just casual - and you're fine with that - sick."
Yeah, gotcha.
I saw this lame-ass insta post the other day that read: "may your first love last forever p.s. you are your first love, take care of yourself". I won't dwell on those sentiments any more (since it's the theme of this ENTIRE blog), but as lame as it is - it's true. I suggested that you give the f*ckboy/girl that ultimatum because you deserve to either be loved/cared for by someone who is proud of you, or at least deserve to have the attention-span and time to really attempt to work on that wretched task of loving yourself.
That's all I'm gonna say. If you've read this and feel personally attacked (sorry), just know I'm being the big-sister you never had. You're likely a dynamic, intensely passionate and curious person. Don't let f*ckboys and f*ckgirls dampen your ability to thrive. Take that precious time for yourself.
There will be a person that won't need 'f*ck-' to prefix their name when you think about them.
They will choose you.
Well I hope they do, because one day I hope I stumble upon mine too.
Love yas.
x M
